Eleigh Llaneras

My name is Lou Antonette Llaneras, born a rising star on the day of Philippine Independence 1991. I was born ¼ Chinese from my father’s kin, and ¾ Filipino from my mom’s. I’m currently living in Daraga, Albay with my family from my mother’s side while my dad’s family is in Lucena City. I wouldn’t even try to describe my family from Lucena because it’s damn huge and complicated. Anyway, my mother is a housewife who once dreamt of becoming a nurse but instead took Economics and have been regretting it ever since. My dad is one of the modern heroes who works abroad, has no vices and no chicks, well as far as I know. My brother by the way is the biggest nuisance in the world but nevertheless, he’s the best there is. We’re one big happy family.

My childhood memories are filled with happy moments mostly shared with my brother who used to be my extra super best friend in the world. We used to do everything together—wake up, watch TV, play Barbie doll, take a bath and piss off our yaya. We’ve been the worst kids there were but thankfully our yaya still lived to tell her story of misery.

My most fond childhood memory was that when we would go out and play with the neighborhood kids. That’s where I met my soul mate. That magical moment happened. Naïve as I was, I knew then and there it was him for me. Back to pissing off our yaya. Then I have to enter the world of education. Enough said I didn’t have quite a fruitful pre-elementary class as I usually hated the school I’m in either it bores me to death or every time is playtime that I’d rather play at home. I can say I only finished one year of nursery and one semester of preparatory class before I took the entrance exam for Grade 1 in St. Agnes Academy. I was too young for that level but I passed anyway so hello, Elementary!

Elementary school in St. Agnes Academy was where I realized I had quite a stupid beginning at life. Filled with wrong, immature and entirely regrettable decisions and attitude, I was deemed to be one of those students who never seemed to exist in the classroom. I hated studying, I developed friendship with some and I ruined some, I have been the most irresponsible President during 3rd grade and I have been the snottiest bitch running after this guy, who as I would describe now, would never be as cute as he used to be. Above all, I loathed my teachers. I can say I’ve been a favorite—a favorite target of mishaps when it comes to academics and mostly everything.

Then I entered the halls of the adjacent building and became a High school student. A new tabula rasa to paint and mess with was right in front of me. I had a great high school story. I’ve been a consistent honor student, committed myself to theatre, arts and journalism, and gained the recognitions I’ve been denied of back in elementary. I met my true friends. I became one of the heartthrobs, had my first boyfriend (the one I called Soul mate) and had the wackiest stories to tell. Of course, it wasn’t a smooth ride for me. Like every story plot, I had my fair share of antagonists and storms. The climax of it all happened in my last year where I literally screwed everything up simply because I not only hated these two professors, I cursed them. And in turn my curse took a bad hit at my grades. I graduated with three service awards though, just not honors. Immaturity laid with convictions allowed me to jeopardize my academics as much as I wanted to get out of that sad dictatorship academy. Oh and by the way I broke off with my boyfriend because our families couldn’t get along well.

Now I’m in what they say the outside world. Bicol University gave me one of the worst culture shocks but it is here where I can finally say I learned to stand up for myself and build a good reputation. I learned to be wise and independent. I’ve made friends, got good grades, won Modern Dance Competition awards, drank, partied and enjoyed the freedom of College life. Above all, I’m going to be a great nurse and an awesome surgeon someday.

Eleigh Llaneras

I WANT A CAR!!!
These moments I dream of going on a road trip with a totally hot piece of male meat. I imagine myself driving as the radio plays mellow tunes. So peaceful. No traffic. The road so smooth as if I'm the only person in the world with a car. The view of the blurry buildings, the vague green and brown of trees, the wind on my face, the blue sky and the hot summer sun, these things make me feel happy and free sometimes. Nothing to worry about aside from the gasoline fee. When I get bored with manning the wheels, I can always trade places with my guy. He'll be driving and I'll be staring at him, falling deep...deeper...until I drift away to Lala land.
I need a car. This gorgeous purple GT-R. I want it. NOW.
Eleigh Llaneras


Dear ex-boyfriend,

So that’s just it? “You don’t feel like I’m your girlfriend” is your cheesy excuse? Well if you feel that way, I don’t like you as a boyfriend either. You weren’t the kind of boyfriend I expected. And you weren’t the friend I thought you’d be. Why’d you do this to me? I thought I was helping you get over that bitch who cheated on you. I guess sometimes heartbroken people break other hearts to get even. I loved you. I opened my heart to you despite the countless times I got hurt with past relationships. I thought you were different. I thought you were the one for me. I thought that for once I wouldn’t feel like another rebound girl and I thought you weren’t that kind of person to play with other people’s hearts just for fun. You said you were serious. Now what? That’s just it? You suddenly fell out of love? Was it because I was away for just a month? Or was it just because I’m not enough for you to get over her? I know you lasted for five long years. I’ve been jealous about that since I never had a relationship as strong as that. But you promised. Somehow I believed you. Call me an idiot but I did.

The first time you broke my heart, I gave you time to think things through. I cried hard. I felt your pain but I tried to understand. I know how excruciating it is to be left behind by someone you love. Believe me. I’ve been through that hell for like a thousand times.

March 19, 2010 was a new beginning for us. It was the perfect time to get serious. It was the perfect moment to kiss and feel each other’s heart beat racing to the craziest speed. It was the happiest day. Never thought it’d be the last. The second time you broke my heart was a tragedy for me. I was confused and blamed myself for being immature and all the sick things I can think of. I wondered why all of a sudden you gave up. The guy who’s supposed to make me whole tore me apart. I felt my blood drain and for a second there I knew how it was to be dead. I was too cold I acted indifferently and got drunk, too drunk to hope I wouldn’t wake up the next day. You must’ve thought I was cool with the whole idea that we’re better off as friends. That’s just my pride. I didn’t want to be the one begging for love. I’d hate to be rejected after being dumped. It’d hurt a lot more you know. Besides, I was too drunk to even hold my phone, my eyes too numb to read, my heart too broken to even care. It hurt a lot though. Booze wasn’t enough to make me unlove you.

But you know what hurt the most? I suddenly became a stranger to you. Our communication sucked. Either you wouldn’t reply, or the conversation would be too boring and awkward. Things aren’t the same. To save myself from pinning over my lost friend whom I used to talk with until the wee hours of morning, I deleted every text message and didn’t load my phone for weeks. I guess that wasn’t as helpful as I usually found myself staring at my phone, cursing every text message I receive that’s not from you. Well, I never received any text from you. It must’ve felt exactly just how you felt when your ex-girlfriend stopped replying to your text messages. It felt horrible right? Yesterday you meant everything to someone and today, it feels as if you never existed. It must’ve felt good to make someone feel so little like someone did to you. Are you happy now? I was more miserable than ever, like no guy would ever take me seriously and no relationship with me would last. But save your sincerest sympathies I’ve tried to get over it. I told my friends you were a loser for dumping me. I’ve told myself time and again that you have no idea how much I wanted to crush you and make your life miserable. I showed the world how much I hate you. And yet, every time I open my Facebook account, I look forward to seeing your name in the chat box. If only I could get an instant Amnesia and forget you.

It’s true what they say, Love will make you forget time and Time would make you forget love. I just wonder how long it would take before I fall out completely. Not too long I hope.

Signed,

Your ex-girlfriend

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