Dear ex-boyfriend,

So that’s just it? “You don’t feel like I’m your girlfriend” is your cheesy excuse? Well if you feel that way, I don’t like you as a boyfriend either. You weren’t the kind of boyfriend I expected. And you weren’t the friend I thought you’d be. Why’d you do this to me? I thought I was helping you get over that bitch who cheated on you. I guess sometimes heartbroken people break other hearts to get even. I loved you. I opened my heart to you despite the countless times I got hurt with past relationships. I thought you were different. I thought you were the one for me. I thought that for once I wouldn’t feel like another rebound girl and I thought you weren’t that kind of person to play with other people’s hearts just for fun. You said you were serious. Now what? That’s just it? You suddenly fell out of love? Was it because I was away for just a month? Or was it just because I’m not enough for you to get over her? I know you lasted for five long years. I’ve been jealous about that since I never had a relationship as strong as that. But you promised. Somehow I believed you. Call me an idiot but I did.

The first time you broke my heart, I gave you time to think things through. I cried hard. I felt your pain but I tried to understand. I know how excruciating it is to be left behind by someone you love. Believe me. I’ve been through that hell for like a thousand times.

March 19, 2010 was a new beginning for us. It was the perfect time to get serious. It was the perfect moment to kiss and feel each other’s heart beat racing to the craziest speed. It was the happiest day. Never thought it’d be the last. The second time you broke my heart was a tragedy for me. I was confused and blamed myself for being immature and all the sick things I can think of. I wondered why all of a sudden you gave up. The guy who’s supposed to make me whole tore me apart. I felt my blood drain and for a second there I knew how it was to be dead. I was too cold I acted indifferently and got drunk, too drunk to hope I wouldn’t wake up the next day. You must’ve thought I was cool with the whole idea that we’re better off as friends. That’s just my pride. I didn’t want to be the one begging for love. I’d hate to be rejected after being dumped. It’d hurt a lot more you know. Besides, I was too drunk to even hold my phone, my eyes too numb to read, my heart too broken to even care. It hurt a lot though. Booze wasn’t enough to make me unlove you.

But you know what hurt the most? I suddenly became a stranger to you. Our communication sucked. Either you wouldn’t reply, or the conversation would be too boring and awkward. Things aren’t the same. To save myself from pinning over my lost friend whom I used to talk with until the wee hours of morning, I deleted every text message and didn’t load my phone for weeks. I guess that wasn’t as helpful as I usually found myself staring at my phone, cursing every text message I receive that’s not from you. Well, I never received any text from you. It must’ve felt exactly just how you felt when your ex-girlfriend stopped replying to your text messages. It felt horrible right? Yesterday you meant everything to someone and today, it feels as if you never existed. It must’ve felt good to make someone feel so little like someone did to you. Are you happy now? I was more miserable than ever, like no guy would ever take me seriously and no relationship with me would last. But save your sincerest sympathies I’ve tried to get over it. I told my friends you were a loser for dumping me. I’ve told myself time and again that you have no idea how much I wanted to crush you and make your life miserable. I showed the world how much I hate you. And yet, every time I open my Facebook account, I look forward to seeing your name in the chat box. If only I could get an instant Amnesia and forget you.

It’s true what they say, Love will make you forget time and Time would make you forget love. I just wonder how long it would take before I fall out completely. Not too long I hope.

Signed,

Your ex-girlfriend