Eleigh Llaneras

I was checking out some stuff from StumbleUpon and I came across this: When 4-8 Year old Kids are asked: What is Love? After reading this article, I suddenly felt this inner glow shining its way into a big happy face with some tears. They have proven indeed that you can never be too old to learn what love’s about.

Here are my favorite responses:


When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn’t bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That’s love.

Rebecca- age 8


“When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different.

You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.”

Billy – age 4

“Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.”

Karl – age 5


“Love is what makes you smile when you’re tired.”

Terri – age 4


“Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.”

Danny – age 7


“Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss”

Emily – age 8


“Love is what’s in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.”

Bobby – age 7 (Wow!)


“If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,”

Nikka – age 6


“Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.”

Noelle – age 7


“Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.”

Chris – age 7


“Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.”

Mary Ann – age 4

Eleigh Llaneras
I can't get enough of this video. Antoine Dodson, after saving his sister and landing 2nd place on Youtube's most viral videos, is now taking the world by storm. Yah, for real. More people posting their own Bed Intruder Song cover, 'Hide Yo Kids Hide Yo Wife' T shirts for sale everywhere, and a special guest appearance on 2010 BET Hip Hop Awards Red carpet. I wonder if anybody took the intruder-rape case seriously after watching the original interview, or was there a case filed anyway. Who was that intruder? Was he caught? Is he in jail? Nobody gives a fuck! Antoine's interview is a blockbuster hit. Gregory Brothers, the proponent behind this Bed Intruder Song, are the best in their craft. Totally hilarious. Watch this if you're at your lowest low. Yeah We Gon' Find You. . :D

Eleigh Llaneras

It’s been quite a while since my battle with the Scantron paper and the psychiatric catastrophe brought on by the NLE board examinations last July 2 and 3, 2011. Seriously, the Ms. I-Am-a-Filipino-Nurse 2011 question and many more ridiculous questions, they were the talk, I mean to be more precise, the bluster of the town considering the fact that first and foremost, every student stood up to their former lazy habits just to memorize the previous board exam questions, read all nursing books available, answer all exam questions their review centers provide them, succumb to caffeine addiction in the process, and what do they get? 20% knowledge-based questions, 70% tough luck questions and 10% questions nobody has ever heard about.

I remember going out of the testing room not knowing what to think, feel or say to my friend who seemed demoralized by the impossible examination. It was simply overwhelming. First question of the first exam, I almost felt the thunder and the roaring gustiness of an imaginary typhoon. I remember all our lecturers saying that the first exam, Fundamentals of Nursing, is the easiest. It’s all about the basics. Nobody warned us about the essay questions morphed into multiple choice questions, and you definitely have no idea what they say the “best” answer is. You could almost cry happy tears each time you encounter a question that you actually know, like the bonus ABG analysis and drug dosage calculations. Unfortunately, the board examination is not all that. It’s a crap lot more.
The post board exam trauma leads every student to that one question as we all await the results that would forever change the course of our lives, like the delusions of a person’s soul after its post mortem: What now?
After all the caffeinated nights and panic reading moments, the St. Jude and every other novenas we all desperately relied on, the countless split seconds we continuously motivate ourselves to study (your eyes are starting to drop while reading about community health nursing, then suddenly you wake yourself up to thinking somebody else could’ve memorized verbatim from cover to cover including the bibliography and indices of the whole boring book of Maglaya), and making it a point to be nice all the time and live a new life worthy of a license, well only a few of us know what to do after. Some already went back to their provinces. Some went to Manila to find work and some are just stuck at home trying to make up for all the stresses. The two month waiting time serves as our opportunity to rehabilitate ourselves back to our pre-crisis state. Some are making the most of it and some are more or less wasting it partying, drinking and whining over their miserable life.
To help you get a life, here are some suggestions of things you can do while waiting for that damn license:
WORKOUT. I am very much aware that eating is a stress reliever and since the board exams require the most stressful preparation, I have this funny feeling that if some of you turn out to get anorexic because you believed the time for eating could be used up for studying, most of you ate a lot while studying and we all know where those carbs get deposited. Gaining three to five times or more than your average pre-review weight could be such a bummer and this is the time for you to get back in shape. Remember, you have to fit in your gala for the oath taking. If you don’t fit, you have nothing to wear to the oath taking and if you have nothing to wear to the oath taking you’d be spending money again for a new gala you will be using only once in forever.
JOB HUNTING. We all know your talents are not limited to the scope of nursing, hell who knows if you pass or not. You could search for jobs online or ask friends and relatives for some work suggestions. Keep busy. Time is precious and if you start earning now, think of what more you’ll be earning the moment you grab that license. Don’t waste your time being a couch potato or a party freak or an alcoholic sob. Do something. Be productive. Get a life. Don’t piss your mother off lazing around. Remember after all these years they have sacrificed for you, its payback time and when is the perfect time to look for a job but now.
ENGAGE IN PHILANTROPHY. One of lecturers told us that to be able to move on from the jaw wrenching, back breaking, inhumane and violent board examination, we have to collect all our review materials, create a bonfire, burn them and cry over the victory feel of getting over the things that remind you of that five parts of a disaster. It’s so cool to contribute to global warming through burning a lot of paper and worsening everybody else’s chances of survival. If I were asked I’d rather create scratch papers or notebooks out of those pieces of crap and donate them to kids who could barely afford even a single piece of bond paper. Contributing to children’s welfare is better than contributing to doomsday.
BURN OUT THERAPIES. Stress has done us a lot of damage and there are a lot of therapies which can help us feel relaxed and detoxified back to our normal worry-free selves. Visit your nearest spa for some rejuvenating massage. You could always go to Yoga or Taichi classes if you want to experience inner peace gained through breathing in and out exercises. If you like peace and quiet, you could go to a nearby hill, sit on a picnic blanket and while listening to your favorite tunes, feel the breeze gently sweeping all your worries away. Dating could also be a burn out therapy. Spend some time with your girlfriend or boyfriend and make it a point to not create a single argument the entire time unlike the rest of your bonding days. Spend some time with your family. Go out on a camping trip or a vacation out of town, or simple cooking and cleaning the house together could be in the very sense of it, therapeutic.
WRITE and SUBMIT an ARTICLE. This is what I just did. It's non profit but it helps me rant about the NLE board examination 2011 in a more productive way rather than getting depressed and planning suicide.
Happy two months before September. Grab your license! J
Eleigh Llaneras

Introduction

There’s a reason why the title’s such and it’s not because I have a lot of heartbreak stories to tell. And to further confuse you, that’s what you’ll most likely read along this entry. I’m definitely not writing this to show the world how miserable I am at this moment nor to teach lessons I’ve learned the hard way. I’m writing this for the heck of it, a kind of stress reliever a person like me has proven effective.

Love has been a roller coaster ride for me. Romance turned tragedy has been the theme of my every love story. I wonder why. I look myself in the mirror and blame the little mole beneath my left eye. They say it’s an omen for crying too many tears. Maybe if I have it laser removed, I’ll never cry of heartache ever again. I take another look at the mirror and see no other reason why guys leave me all the time. I’m pretty, just not that Marilyn Monroe pretty, but yeah pretty. I don’t look like a bitch guys mess with. What’s wrong with me?

I remember as a curious kid I wished of experiencing all sorts of love stories because I had no idea what love was and how much it can hurt. Well, careful what you wish for. Here I am as torn apart as can be because of those love stories I wished for. Now I’m wishing for a true love story—that one story where I fall in love with a guy destined for me, the guy who’ll never make me cry. We’ll get married, have kids and grow old together—that one final love story for keeps. I’m tired of crying over ruined relationships. I want this torture to be over somehow.

To finally put an end to this series of unfortunate events, the next paragraphs will contain my tragic love stories. This is to finally let it all go, to brace myself for that magical moment and to put an end to my misery, I hope. I set myself a deadline—that I shall meet my prince after I finish this little story book. If I don’t then what the hell, that deadline’s a joke, I’ll meet him anyway.

And for the other part of the title—A Huge Fuck You, well it only implies one thing. It says that if you once broke my heart and destiny reeled you in to read this, our love story and my other escapades, don’t whine over how much of an asshole I think of you now nor cry over the fact that you never thought I’d get over you but hell yeah I did. Oh and by the way, thanks for the memories. I’m graduating from college, I may never see you again, and for that I don’t give a fuck anymore. Read at your own risk.

Eleigh Llaneras
I never thought that through this cool-off thing I'd be missing him more. Paranoia's all over me. This annoying feeling I can't seem to get rid of. The "I see-him-everywhere" and the "everything-reminds-me-of-him" feeling freaks me out that sometimes I think I'm going nuts. I used to think I've trained my mind to be impervious to something like this. Maybe I really was in love that I fear so much the thought of being alone yet again.

Sleeping was as hard as waking up to a reality without him. It's the worst case of heart shattering I've ever had. Someone who you thought was man enough to take you seriously wasn't at all. My world fell apart. And I'm having thoughts of not loving ever again.

Last night I had this dream of me marrying him. Even my dreams seem insensitive to my present case. And with that I had to wake up crying again. That dream was happy but dreams are dreams. No matter how happy that dream was, reality will always bite me back into a realm of bitter truths I had to live with. Being so optimistic can be scary sometimes that there I were moments I wanted him back, I daydream of him coming home to me. It's terrifying how my mind plays tricks on me to make me realize he doesn't love me anymore, he doesn't give a damn, and he loves her more and that I was only a decoy.

Being broken hearted could be sort of my thing. The last second I thought I finally got my luck in relationships, something came up. Something always comes up. Like that sober night I texted him I love you despite my pride strangling me, begging me not to. His reply shot me like a final bullet enough to stop my heart beating.

That bitch, that asshole. I can't swear profanities any more than what they may deserve and it certainly won't help me get throught this fucked up situation. But who can blame them if they really love each other? Once again I'm that miserable anonymous other girl who's got no choice but to move on. I can't blame them for my misery. I can't blame myself for losing this game. I guess this is how destiny works.

No amount of booze can dilate my vessels enough to help me sleep through this hurt. But life goes on. I'll get over him. Just the way I got over my other heart breakers. For seven days I'll cry a river, the next seven days I'll build a bridge. By that time the bridge is done, I'll get over it. Seven days of lonely. Every broken-hearted person goes through it. The critical seven days where denial, bargaining, anger and depression are at its worst. The grieving process is inevitable but to think that it leads nowhere but in Acceptance, letting go could be worth the wait.
Eleigh Llaneras

Last night I had a totally lucid dream, Brother Bear setting. And so I wake remembering detail after detail. I immediately surfed the net for some answers. Funny revelations, some are true and some are hard to admit. Here’s the story with the blue coded sentences to interpret them.

I dreamt of being a native girl, living in a hut in the middle of a rural area.

To see or live in a hut in your dream, represents the basic necessities and comforts. You need to simplify your life and get back to the bare basics. Accept what you already have and know that that is enough.

I dreamt of owning a mountain dog with golden brown and white color. Very loyal and very fun to be with. I remember feeding it with dog treat and it almost swallowed my hand. Huge but gentle dog.

To see a dog in your dream, symbolizes intuition, loyalty, generosity, protection, and fidelity. The dream suggests that your strong values and good intentions will enable you to go forward in the world and bring you success. To see a happily barking dog in your dream, symbolizes pleasures and social activity. You are being accepted into some circle.

While walking around a seemingly rural land, I saw a dying lady and a dead black horse. Then I saw a huge and ugly guy, like an abomination, confront the lady and struck her with a sharp knife in the back.

To see a dead horse in your dream, indicates that something in your life that initially offered you strength is now gone.

To see violence in your dream, indicates unexpressed anger or rage. You need more discipline in your life.

After that abomination killed the woman, a huge flood came. Lucky I was able to hold on to some plants and climb to a higher part safe from being consumed by the flood.

To dream that you are in a flood represents your need to release some sexual desires. If the flood is raging, then it represents emotional issues and tensions. Your repressed emotions are overwhelming you.

I dreamt of the woman and her family living in that hut, like an Indian household, gave me a shell necklace.

To see or wear a necklace in your dream, represents unsatisfied desires. It also highlights your intellect and your desire to have more influence and power over others.

After the woman gave me that necklace I left and rode a bus. A very huge bus where there are only a few people riding with me. I remember some of them were my friends.

To dream that you are riding a bus, implies that you are going along with the crowd. You are lacking originality and control over where your life is taking.

The bus I was riding on was huge. And it probably caused the traffic. Looking outside the window I saw other buses going different directions which probably made the traffic worse.

To dream that you are in traffic, signifies the frustrations that you are experiencing in your life. Things are not going as smoothly as you would like it to. You feel stuck at where you are in life.

And then in the bus there was this Dance Revo machine, and unlike in the real world, I was playing it like a pro.

To dream that you are dancing, signifies freedom from any constraints and restrictions. Your life is in balance and in harmony. Dancing also represents frivolity, happiness, gracefulness, sensuality and sexual desires. You need to incorporate these qualities in your waking life.

Finally I arrived home. I went straight to my room and did something naughty. Then to my surprise, somebody else was there in the room. I stormed out in shame.

To dream that you are in the bedroom, signifies aspects of yourself that you keep private. It is also indicative of your sexual nature and intimate relations.

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Eleigh Llaneras

This was a reflection paper our Critical Care Nursing professor asked us to submit. This is an ethical dilemma most health professionals encounter in the hospital setting. A battle between life and death in the face of paternalism. The Terri Schiavo Case.

http://www.nejm.org/doi/full/10.1056/NEJMp058062

Upon reading the article above, certain questions made me wonder whether what happened deserved to happen.

To preserve or to let go?

Terri is a vegetable. Her incapacity to rationalize like a normal human being makes her dead beyond the aid of ventilators and machines yet her right to live remains intact. Preserving her under the aid of expensive equipment would be like a hungry dog being tied six inches away from infected food. Though the act of saving the dog from eating infected food seems noble, tying the dog in front of the food and having nothing to feed the dog in the first place, sounds more like torture. Just as Terri’s family wants to keep her from facing death, keeping her alive without the whole essence of living may seem selfish, and senseless. On the other hand, letting her go would sound a lot like murder. Which is more painful? In this case, I may have to acquiesce with John Rawls’ philosophy of accepting the lesser evil in the face of having no good option. Letting her go would seem more considerable if I were asked. Holding her back from death is like holding her back from salvation. It is selfish and by all means as the court have decided and as the husband heard her once state, she does not want to be kept alive on a machine, she wanted to die a natural death in God’s time. She had a predisposed perspective about being chained to a machine and that is good enough to view what she would’ve wanted.

Who deserves the right to decide for Terri?

The husband is a blabbing moron. Deciding for her wife and fornicating with another woman. All this cheating while his wife lives the sad life of a wood piece. He doesn’t have a right to stand up and decide for her. She wouldn’t want his say on this if only she was faking her condition on a reality show to expose her cheating husband. The family members on the other hand, as the author of the article said, are selfish. They wanted to keep her breathing because they are too weak to let her go. The Florida Supreme Court was the only competent persona for paternalism.

What would Terri have decided?

Terri due to her critical medical condition could not sign a DNR sheet nor tell everybody “Hey, keep me breathing.” But if she were awake for even 15 minutes and can fully understand her condition, what could she have chosen?

It is not for me to guess what runs in Terri’s mind, if there was something at all, seeing everybody debating over her life. All I can say is that, Death is inevitable. It is something that comes either suddenly or gradually. It’s the last thing every living creature experiences yet the thought of it as the end of everything gives more essence to living. Death is always unexpected because only God knows the time for everything. Human as we are, if we have the power to save lives, we must also have the courage to let go and trust that we’re freeing somebody from worldly pain into eternal happiness.

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