I declare this day as DAY 1 of being an OFFICIAL BUM.

Seriously, the oDesk thing is so tedious. I couldn’t find a decent job there without worrying about the time and effort I’d be spending and the risk of getting underpaid and receiving a profane statement if I couldn’t deliver. And I’m starting to lose my drive with the transcription thing. I have two freaking 5 stars feedback there. I can literally apply to and get any job I want but I still believe there’s a job out there where I don’t get third party pay like what most contractors in oDesk and other online job outsourcing sites get. Same story, I end up refusing to apply at any job there while I continuously search for a site that needs a writer—that writer being able to enjoy writing or blogging and at the same time getting paid, definitely not the article-spinning one. I have prospects. I haven’t started with any.

I’m a girl lost in between choosing from ten thousand opportunities. In short, I’M CONFUSED.

To wait for something or to actually start doing something is what I need to figure out at this point. I’m so fired up with inspiration and ideas that I couldn’t start at anything and so I end up achieving nothing. Hello, Bum Life. I’m a registered nurse, at least I wouldn’t worry about my license like the others who have to take them again and again. However, out of the frying pan and into the fire I go. What do I do now? I have my own personal deadline of owning a house by the age 27. I somehow have to start doing something now. The only thing I really need is to set my priorities straight. Okay, here’s the bulk of stuff that keeps me nowhere and I’m going to rate them from 1 to 5, 5 being a top priority and 1 being a least priority. This rating would be based on the timeline, achievability, cost, pros and cons.

I want to write a nursing review book. Dr. Carl E. Balita’s review book is a piece of junk and I feel obliged to become a competition—for the betterment of future nurses and the thousands of helpless patients. But I can’t do that yet unless I get a decent bio. I’m not a cum laude. I have no master’s degree. I’m just an ordinary concerned registered nurse.

Timeline: 2 years

Achievability: 4

Cost: (printing, publication, and marketing) do the math.

Pros: It would be a lifetime production and income builder. It would save studying effort for nursing students. My book won’t give you any reason to fail since it would be simplified that even a preschool student can understand. I have the ideas, the references, the writing and design skills.

Cons: No budget. No decent bio. NO BUDGET.

Final Rating: 3

I want to apply for med school abroad. I have been Googling entrance exams, how to apply and requirements for medical schools like Oxford, etc… But same thing, I have no funds.

Timeline: 6 years

Achievability: 4

Cost: I need a sponsor or scholarship. Or a part-time job.

Pros: I really want to be a doctor and internationally, people don’t prefer doctors from random med schools here in the Philippines. And if I were asked I’d choose a reputable school in touch with the currently changing world. Plus it would be a great credential.

Cons: I have to wait for a sponsor. Or beg someone for help. Or get a good paying job. I have no budget.

Final Rating: 4

I want to go to Manila and work for experience. Not to get a life but JUST for an experience.

Timeline: 2 years

Achievability: 5

Cost: apartment and daily living can’t be supplied by my supposed monthly income.

Pros: 2 years experience can take me anywhere. Plus Atty. Realuyo is there to help.

Cons: I have to wait, do chores, and exist without an air conditioner or hi-speed internet connection. No stash, no Jollibee, no shopping. Life sucking at its worse for just an experience.

Final Rating: 5

I’m 20 years old. I’m a college graduate. I’m one of those kids who dreams of going to work someday. Unfortunately, I’m also one of those who can’t seem to get out of this house and discover a life of my own. I’m tied to waiting for the board exam results while seeing my other classmates go to places and work. I envy the freedom they enjoy. I’m not a girl who’s ever been allowed to go to outing events unless it’s family-related nor have an overnight party over at a non-NPA territory, non-Al Qaeda target area, non-Victory village house of any of my friends. I dream of going out and exploring the world. I yearn for independence, an opportunity to find myself, chase my dreams and earn some cash.

“Many precede and many will follow a young girl’s dream no longer hollow. It takes the shape of a place out of west but what it holds for her, she hasn’t yet guessed.”

As I child I’ve always wanted to be an actress. But as I got to realize how artists’ lives suck despite the easy money, I wanted to be a lawyer by 6^th grade. Then the moment I stumbled upon my uncle’s reviewer about law, my nose suddenly bled and then I knew I wanted to be a journalist or an animator. I went through high school life and discovered the fast-paced and risky life of a journalist and a boring and geeky world of animation. Though I loved anime so much I had to give it up for a more rewarding course and that’s when I ended up in the College of Nursing. Now that I’ve graduated from those four years of learning how to take care of people, I want to work in a tertiary hospital and when I’ve saved much, and hopefully I get to work outside the Philippines, I’ll be pursuing Medicine. I’ll earn more with being a cardiologist/neurologist and I believe I’ll be achieving my life’s mission with saving lives. From an actress to a doctor, it’s obvious that my dreams are having its own schedule of becoming a reality. They’re no longer hollow as the lyrics say. Though I may not know where God wants me to be, I believe His plans are far more fulfilling than mine. This faith will take me anywhere.

“She needs wide open spaces, room to make her big mistakes. She needs new faces. She knows the high stakes.”

I need open spaces. I need to break out somehow somewhere to discover whether I have what it takes to have a life of my own or lest I deserve to rot here. I’m a chameleon desperate for changes—new places, new faces, new life. I know it may not be a smooth road out there but I know and I believe that God is there to guide me. Yes, I have to grow up and wash my own clothes and dishes, cook my own meals and clean my own space, but that’s what independence means, right? I know I can do this. I have the right to make mistakes and learn from them. It's what life's all about--growing up.

“She travelled this road as a child. Wide-eyed and grinning, she never tired but now she won’t be coming back with the rest. If these are life’s lessons, she’ll take this test.”

I’m such an adventurous person who’s got faith enough to cross the street blind-folded. I believe I got it from my father. My mom is so much different as she stays at home most of the time afraid of the rest of the world. She’s so frightful that every place I want to go to, and I mean every place, she would recall news about some violent act that happened there. She would discourage me to go—every time. I mean, where is that one place people could possibly go and not hear a single history of violence? None. I know things go wrong sometimes and if I come out of it unscathed or scarred, know for a fact that it will make me stronger and wiser. All I need is a little bit of street smarts to be able to come home in one piece and I swear I won’t be so dumb to let myself be trampled on by some thug. If for any reason I die, it means it’s my time and I have lived my life well. It’s so much better than a long life inside a prison where you don’t get to explore the world that your Creator has made.

I never thought looking forward to these workless days would be regretful. I was having a great momentum with writing articles and transcribing audios to the point of getting caffeinated and staying up just to finish work, then this great break came. I suddenly felt jobless but really it’s just a time away from work and a sort of de-stressing opportunity in preparation for more stressful days the whole month. Why am I not enjoying it like I’m supposed to? I had a list of things-to-do for these. I’m going to watch Supernatural Season 6 online up to the latest episode; I’m going to furnish my three blogs; I’m going to work-out in front of Hiphop Abs playing on the television; I’m going to sleep for ten straight hours; I’m going to continue writing the story I have been writing but never finished or properly conceptualized since high school; I’m going to write news; I’m going out on a date; I’m going to play POPCAP games…and so on. I have done some so far, but never really finished any. I found myself glued to the screen of my laptop, awaiting messages in oDesk and Yahoo Mail for any update or work and in my desperation I then went on scouring every medical transcription job I can find on the net. I believe all my efforts seem futile up to now. All I have to do is to wait for tomorrow, the start of a new page on my invoice worksheet and use my time wisely, getting more productive by the day. J

Oh by the way I just got myself a new job...AGAIN!!! :D